


I Meant It

by AuntieEm30



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x7 fix-it, F/M, Gen, One-Shot, comprehendible behavior, discussion of past rape by deception - no details, discussion of past torture - no details, discussion of survival sex, non-con kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuntieEm30/pseuds/AuntieEm30
Summary: A look at how a conversation in 10x7 could have gone if character, plot, motivation, etc. actually meshed cohesively.  One-shot.





	I Meant It

**Author's Note:**

> This an old knee-jerk reaction one-shot, submitted for constructive feedback.

“Yes. I left you. For him. He’s the reason.” And she took his hand.

Castiel glanced sideways at Hannah, then down at their joined hands, in a mixture of confusion and suspicion. Joe shook his head.

“No- I don’t believe it. You?” He looked at Castiel in disbelief, then back at Hannah as Castiel’s anxiety rose. “Him? There’s gotta be some other explanation.” He stepped closer to Hannah… to Caroline. “You’re not that kind of person.” His voice rose in frustration, in pleading. “You couldn’t do that! You wouldn’t do that-“

Hannah spun, grabbed the lapels of Castiel’s coat, and kissed him. 

There was a feeling of blank, numb shock that lasted just a moment while he processed her lips on his, before fury erupted in his brain. 

He grasped her shoulders and shoved her off. She staggered back a few paces and her face showed shock, but it didn’t lessen the disappointment in his glare. After a moment, he turned to Joe.

“I recruited her,” he bit out, withdrawing the old fake FBI badge from his pocket and showing it. “For a government operation. Undercover. Obviously neither of us are at liberty to share any details. But I don’t know why she felt the need to simply lie.” Here he looked back to Hannah, glaring his point home. He spoke to Joe one last time.

“I’m very sorry for your trouble.” He turned to his companion again. “I’ll be at the car. We still have work to do.” And he left the room, snapping the door shut behind him.

*******************************

When Hannah stepped outside the hotel and into the parking lot, she found Castiel leaning backwards against the Continental, his arms braced against the hood, glowering down at the asphalt. She stopped a several paces away, awkward and hesitant.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“No.” Castiel headed her off with surprising conviction. “No, you don’t get to say you’re sorry without even knowing what it is you’re apologizing for. I told you already that you couldn’t allow emotions to get in the way of the mission. I told you what was and wasn’t acceptable behavior while we’re in these bodies. You either didn’t remember or you didn’t care.” She shook her head.

“He wouldn’t listen, Castiel. He wouldn’t let me go. I had to convince him-“

“So we convince him another way. Not like this. When you kissed me, when you exposed yourself to me, was Caroline aware? Did she express approval of what you were doing? I’m guessing not. You don’t take more from your vessel than you absolutely have to. You don’t violate them like-“

He bit off the rest of his sentence, clamping his lips together, pulling in a deep breath that his body didn’t technically need. All the while Hannah was processing his choice of words.

“Castiel?” Her voice was soft, like trying to coax a wounded animal into healing hands. His words, after some moments of silence, were even lower and quieter than usual.

“Last year, I had an… intimate encounter. It seemed fine at first, if strange, but that was only because of how little I knew at the time. I was exploited for information at the moment of my greatest weakness, by one of our own. She was looking for answers about the fall of the angels. But I didn’t know that until later, when she was torturing me. Didn’t know that she wasn’t a random human showing me compassion. Didn’t know that she was using the body I barely understood to catch me off guard; didn’t know she was making me her accomplice in violating an innocent woman. A woman who was later killed with the Reaper controlling her.”

Hannah by this point was holding her hand over her mouth, speechless with appall. She didn’t know if there were any words to make this better, even if she could call them forward. Castiel took another deep, painstaking breath.

“So you can understand, I think, why when I said no, I meant it. And why when you decided you didn’t care, I was very… upset. Disappointed. My last experience was unpleasant enough, overall. I don’t want to ever repeat it. And that means showing consideration to these humans who said yes to us. It’s bad enough they have to feel the pain of the battles we wage for the sake of the mission, without having their dignity taken away as well.”

She nodded.

“It won’t happen again. I swear it. I understand. I do, now.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic-let operates under the premise that Cas knew immediately after the fact what his sex with April entailed, and that he didn’t joke about it with Dean later. Dean may have made the comment, but Cas didn’t carry it, showed remorse, and shut down Dean’s callousness. Also that when Hannah stripped down in front of him earlier in this episode, he made it clear to her that nudity between people who weren’t romantic partners or otherwise pre-discussed intimate wasn’t a Thing in humanity (or at least the modern western world - excluding nudist colonies). He also basically said he wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship with her. In fact, the whole Cas / April incident could also have been put to great use after Claire got attacked. He could have offered up his experience as her not being alone in that regard, that he at least partially understood, and could then facilitate actually helping her heal and move on (which they totally don’t do in the show itself).
> 
>  
> 
> If you think I'm exaggerating on the concept of rape between the reaper, Cas, and April, go visit exitpursuedbyasloth.tumblr.com, and do a search for "April." They go into a detailed explanation of both rape-by-deception and survival sex that's worth a look.


End file.
